When someone warns the audience that the spotlight is going to fall, many flock to the stage with delight and excitable hope. Some will put their hands up, others will fluff their face and keep eye contact in an almost manic manner.
I on the other hand will shrink further into my seat.
This level of ‘shyness’ is one I’ve had to deal with for as long as I can remember, and to a certain extent, improved dramatically. I’ve both sang and danced on stage, recited poetry and deliberately (although not always) made a fool of myself. Recently, however, the idea that I might’ve won at bingo had a pit of horror forming in my stomach.
The idea that shyness and attention-seeking is linked is obviously valid, but I’m starting to think there are further considerations. Introverts can be very happy being on camera, and in the same breath, those with depression often thrive on the audiences fickle love.
Is it wrong to think, that you just won’t be good at it? That you could even go so far in thinking that those who push themselves onto the screen are almost arrogant in assuming that the audiences will want to see them? More likely, the later is just deep-rooted envy at the ability to access that level of self confidence.
Does anyone else ever wonder what it must be like to be more than happy to enter competitions without the terrifying realisation that others will be judging you, even thinking you might even succeed? Or alternatively, can you comprehend a point of pure terror, just because attention of any kind has fallen your way?
So this is just a note to everyone who has every put them selves out their in a competition, signed up for radio, glee, choir or sports. Signed up to Youtube with the purpose of discussing your own interests or creating your own art or music with the intent to show off. You are all wonderfully brave and talented people. You have the self-confidence to know your own skill set, and equally are open to meeting similarly minded people and accepting criticism from those who have made a living from that outlet.
To try and manage the ever-increasing shyness, when my friend asked me to be in a short movie he’s doing for a local competition, I said yes, despite the laughter I can already hear in my own head.
You never know, I might be good?
Or more likely, I’ll make sure no one will ever see that movie, ever.